First Comes Love, then Comes…

ac98695e-2851-48df-9064-deee7d8e3a82_400Yard-work. You thought ‘baby,’ right? Wrong. In order to keep a human alive, one must be able to keep basic nature alive.

So we’re 557 days into marriage, and the life lessons are “killing it” – or rather, killing our grass. All of it.

Good job, Tye.

Our front yard is the size of an 10′ x 8′ rug (way to go, Pinterest, with your helpful guides for ‘How to Choose the Right Rug for Your Space‘ – I can eyeball any rug, in any space) so maintenance should be a walk in the park, right? Wrong. We’d kill the grass in that park too. The culprit – Scotts Turf Builder Weed and Feed. One bag weeds and feeds 15,000 sq ft.

So to be extra-thorough, we went ahead and emptied the bag in its entirety, spreading that zero phosphorous fertilizer across our front yard (80 sq ft) and like magic, it killed the weeds. And the entire first layer of the earth’s crust, and likely a good deal of the mantle. For a refresher on the earth’s layers – you’re welcome.

Our yard crunches. So we bought seed. Nothing has grown. The bag says, “takes 3-28 days” to see results. We’re on day 20 and… still crunching. Occasionally we’ll spot a fresh blade and the dog will walk on it. Dead. We can take a hint. One quick trip to the sod store, and for the grand total of $165, we’re going to buy our grass.

Shamefully, we run the sprinklers at night so the neighbors don’t see our desperate efforts. But last weekend, we made a stride towards yard-betterment until the new sod arrives. We cleaned up the beds  – and hauled three unruly, rejected bushes and faded red mulch to the grave.

New bushes to pee on!

We’re hoping this domestic move will earn us some grace from the cul-de-sac dwellers and the landscape crews that discreetly drop their business cards in our mailbox on a regular basis.

We’re raising a white flag in the form of three, small boxwood shrubs and a pallet of sod.

But hey, if you have weeds – give us a call. We know what to do.

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