The Bags Under My Eyes are Prada

I’m constantly adding to the list in my head of things that make me feel old.

‘Right now’ is on the list. I’ve had two margaritas – to celebrate my husband’s most recent (unofficial) business milestone. He’s informally accepted a new position within his company but hasn’t signed the paperwork, so we can’t officially talk about it. I’m a giant fan of instant gratification, so I’d like to talk about it…right now. Regardless, we celebrated over Mexican food (not substitute, skinny food – oops, cheat night) and 2-for-1 margaritas. So, long story short – I’m slightly dizzy, and in bed at 9 p.m. in time for DVRd ‘Bachelor in Paradise.’

  1. Things that make me feel old: Feeling exhausted and dizzy after two margaritas.
  2.  My husband being asleep at 9 a.m. because he’d rather sleep than watch BIP.
  3. Enjoying folding laundry because it’s an opportunity to catch up on more crap T.V.,  like Mistresses and Devious Maids (and Naked Dating, and Naked and Afraid, and all the other awful naked reality shows – wtf).

Same note, different story: We went house hunting over the weekend because it’s that time – that time where a two-bedroom apartment is no longer comfortable for two-adults and our three animals (monsters, children of the corn, whatever you want to call them – they aren’t conducive for carpet or small spaces – and at any given moment, all three are staring at me, begging for more food…and shedding). Long story short – house hunting makes me feel old. And (my) nit picky house needs make me feel old.

It’s like a dating ad: Must have – sizable laundry room, his & hers closets (with the “hers” being much larger), large master shower (none of that cruise-ship size shower business), NOT be yellow, deep kitchen sink, lots of counter space (for all of my left-over mason jars that I will fill with baking supplies to be Pinteresty*), and enough cabinets to store all of the generous wedding gifts we received (seriously – we could start a restaurant – but that would mean I would need to get serious about mastering a variety of dishes – not just Mexican, breakfast, and spaghetti).  My husband’s only request for the home: must have space for an office (why you would want an office at home when you have an office at work befuddles me – but that’s his wish and we should all get what we need out of said house).

Anyway – as soon as all the loan/mortgage shenanigans get settled – we’ll move forward. Loans (by the way) also make me feel old.

Along with:

  1. Getting excited about new work clothes to add to the “business professional” section of
    my closet (in between embarrassing 90’s Juicy Track Suits that ARE and will always remain comfortable and Greek life T-shirts that need to be retired but I can’t because I’m still hanging onto the glory days of Taco Bell, sweat pants to class, classes!, drinking games & being poor).
  2. Hardly getting carded (unless it’s for R-rated movies – those movie ticket folks are legit)
  3. Investing in facial moisturizers that cost a small fortune (the Lancôme Rénergie Lift Multi-Action Collection is my fave)
  4. Talking about “investing” and “investments” (my husband’s new brainchild – so now I refer to all of my big purchases as investments to help him understand. Lilly Pulitzer is an investment. Hair cut/color is an investment. This wooden monogram door hanger contraption is an investment. These pumps are an investment… eventually, he’ll get it.
  5. And finally, birthdays. Because for half the year, I’m older than my other half – and he lets me know it.

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