Tiny Turkeys

My kids are talkers. Big, BIG talkers. Master conversationalists. It’s like when God was doing His thing (You know, the “knitting together in the mother’s womb” routine from Psalm 139), He collaborated with Busta Rhymes – and whoever invented the filibuster. And then my kids were born.

And when it comes to topics, we cover a great deal of ground. We form strong opinions like “the Black Panther is better than Captain America” (Nash) and tell tattle tales (usually) targeting Goldie (our 2yo doodle) for major offenses like “breathing on my toys” or “not giving me privacy in the bathroom” (Piper).

For example, earlier this week at Lowes Foods by bananas, Nash asked me point blank if I had a “peen” (a penis). Now before you mom-shame me for not using anatomically correct terminology with my toddler, recognize that he’s come a LONG way in his three years earthside because he used to call it “his tiny turkey” – hilarious story fodder for the teenage years. My initial reaction was hot-sweat panic over his shouting (because he only uses “outside voice” right now – new phase – SO, so fun) about private bits in the produce section as I’m quietly reminding him that boys have penises and girls do not. Then I got nervous, wondering, HOPING that some eavesdropping woke-bloke wasn’t about to bless me out behind their n-95 for thinking I know Jack about gender even though I’m not a biologist (like my girl Judge Jackson).

Then the nerves fizzled into frustration, thinking “Oh, woe is me, WHY is this season of crazy the one I must raise children during?” Where my 3yo son can declare he’s a dinosaur any given day and our governing leaders will feverishly funnel funds into slapping some reptilian scales on him to make it so and if I object as the parent, I’m a terrorist. Yes, that’s hyperbole. But here we are, fanning the flames of a raging culture war that perpetuates lies and protects feelings at all costs, but not people.

Frustration ebbed with the optimistic realization that 2022 is actually an opportunity to switch-off auto-pilot parenting and get back to the basics. Yes, there’s an ongoing fight to overtly sexualize the hearts and minds of our children, but we’re on the front lines.

Let’s get offline and get outside. Kick a ball around. Learn to ride a bike. Dig up earthworms and give them names (Piper’s favorite past time). Go on walks. Go to the park. Wash the dog. Color with chalk. Turn off the TV. Read books over and over and over. Break out the play dough (but not slime because it’s from the devil). Invite littles to help with dinner (this one is hard for me). Play 20-questions. Play dress-up. Talk about what makes everyone different and unique. Talk about how our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Let’s focus on teaching our children to treat people with kindness and recognize that everyone is worthy of dignity and redemption. Let’s teach our kids to be respectful of others. Let’s show them how to love like Jesus and stand firm against the cultural surge. And let’s teach them to use inside voices when talking about their turkeys at the grocery store.