Caution Wet Floor

Remember when I broke out in hives and my doctor put me on mood stabilizing meds to treat the suppressed anxiety that I couldn’t get under control because people are crazy, motherhood is nuts and it isn’t socially acceptable to drink red wine until after five even though it’s good for your heart (here’s a refresher: The Housewife Hives)? Well, one of the “side effects” is “unusually grand ideas” and can I just tell you – Wellbutrin does not disappoint.

(A few) grand ideas to date include:

  • Doing a deep clean on our city-issued trash bin (Seriously… you could eat out of our trash bin. But please don’t.)
  • Ordering 60 velvet scrunchies on Amazon
  • Digging up all of the ornamental grasses on our lot
  • Tearing out the drop ceiling in the laundry room because it was raining and we were stir crazy (resulting in a full laundry room remodel thanks to my super-handy husband and his ever-patient heart)
  • Saving ALL of the oyster shells after a backyard oyster roast because “I’m going to do crafts with them.” Spoiler alert: They sat in the bucket for four months and accrued a stench so foul it would undoubtedly offend Satan himself. Promptly sent them to our exceptionally clean trash bin.

And the latest grand idea (the grandest of them all): Purchasing a Goldendoodle puppy for sweet Piper Grey because when you have an almost four-year-old and an ever-teething, picky-eating 18-month old, you ABSOLUTELY need a puppy too.

Be still my heart

Meet Goldie Buckley. She is the sweetest little puppy we’ve ever met, and we already adore her (except for when she’s biting the couch and/or running around like a possessed maniac – then we’re “tolerating” her). Piper calls her “Goldilocks.” Now, I have three toddlers. Two that are teething, three that are actively learning to share their toys, and two that are in dire need of potty training. Yesterday, all three of them peed on the floor.

Yes, you read that right. I took Goldie out to pee yesterday morning and when I came back inside, Piper said, “Mommy…I peed on the floor.” Mind you, Piper hasn’t had an accident in a year. But hey, the puppy pees on the floor, permission granted to skip the 15 ft. walk to the bathroom and join in on the fun. Fast forward a few hours, the kids are in the bath (the human kids) and Goldie pops a squat in the hallway. No worries. I’m a pro by now. Wiped up the puppy pee, pulled Nash from the tub to start the bedtime routine and as I’m reaching for his diaper, he proudly pees out into the hallway, thrilled by his free-flowing stream. We’re three for three, here.

So if you need to pee, you’re invited to stop by our house. While the restrooms are preferable, you’re welcome to use any of our rugs – or the hallway hardwoods. And feel free to give our trash bin a sniff on your way out.

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