Confession: I’ve spent a good bit of my adult life thinking sugar cookie artists are nuts for charging $3+ a cookie, but after a deplorable baking episode this week, I have newfound respect and unadulterated adoration for their inimitable talent and desperately knead to issue a baker’s dozen of apologies. Seriously. We are not worthy.
During a casual Instagram scroll, I came across Jenny Priester’s (Sugar Columbia) latest festive confection.
An In(stagram)spired moment happened and I loaded up Pipe and Nash in a mad dash to the grocery store for baking supplies. Afterwards, I tucked both kiddos into bed for naps with the promise of decorating Christmas sugar cookies upon awakening.
Armed with a rolling pin and cookie cutters, I went to work. After eight minutes in the oven, I donned oven mitts and discovered this gruesome scene.
Thankfully, toddlers think everything you do is pure magic so Piper took great care in decorating her “candy canes, stars and stockings.” Look closely… you’ll see them (I mean…look really closely. Use your imagination. Squint if you must.).
A little after five, Tye breezed in home from work and was greeted by my sweet three-year-old who was VERY eager to show off her Christmas creation. Like the saint he is, he showered her with praise and helped himself to a “stocking.”
After she left the room, he took the “candy canes” off the platter, rotated them, and snickered.
With my newly acquired baking skills, I’m not going to quit my day (and night) job wiping butts and noses. So, if you’re in the Columbia area and in the market for Christmas cookies, give Sugar Columbia or Blue Flour a call. But if you’re looking for something a little more frightful and phallic, I’m your girl.
Adrianne Buckley 