Let’s Wine About It

We clean up a lot of spills in our house. And when I say “we,” I mean me. I’m the spill cleaner-upper. If spilling was an Olympic sport, both my children would take the gold, year after year. There would be no competition. They’re both winners. They’re the spill king and queen. They spill in my car. They spill OUT of the bathtub. They spill at the dinner table. Actually, they spill at every table. And they don’t discriminate. Every liquid is fair game for spillage. Orange juice, apple juice, liquid soap, milk (my favorite…), toothpaste – in fact, the stickier the liquid, the better. And I know there’s no use crying over spilled milk, but what about spilled wine? I think that’s something to cry about.

Especially when you finally splurge on a “good bottle.” Not the usual TJs Two-Buck-Chuck or the swill sold on the bottom shelf at Publix. During my weekly Target runs run, I snagged a good bottle of Pinot Noir on the way to the register, a reward to myself for not selling my children on Ebay this week (That’s a joke, calm down. I would sell them on Etsy. I made them afterall). After the kids had been safely tucked in their beds, I treated myself to one glass and promptly re-corked the bottle in anticipation of Friday night. Friday night arrived, and I noticed an eerie silence in my house. Never a good sign when you share a living space with small people. I walked into our kitchen and then I saw it. Despair immediately set in.

My bottle. My good bottle. On the cream colored rug, spilled out. And a very sheepish Piper Grey lurking nearby. The guilty party. My Olympic, gold medalist spill queen had climbed onto the kitchen counter and accidently knocked it off in pursuit of (more) Halloween candy. While the natural impulse would be to immediately begin wringing out the rug into a glass to salvage what was left (kidding, I swear), I instead hopped on Google to find out how to remedy a deep burgundy stain. Folks… vinegar, warm water and dish soap lifted the stain entirely. A miracle. I know Jesus’s first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding, but is there a chance they left out the bit about cleaning up the spills? I think that would merit miracle recognition. Someone please mention that to the disciple John if he considers a rewrite.

Annnnnnnd this is why we can’t have nice things.

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